Family and marriage counseling

Are you experiencing these troubles in your family?

• Communicating problems

• Infidelity to duty

• Balancing home and outdoors

• Misbehavior of your child

• The loss of a family member

• Childhood traumas or nightmares

• Conflicts in blended or remarriage families

• Step-parenting or foster-parenting problems

• Family violence

• Substance abuse

1) Acknowledging of an existing problem: It’s common for one of the partners to deny that there’s an issue. If your partner has a problem that is relationship-related then it is your problem because it’s a problem of the marriage and both of you should recognize as well as acknowledge it.

2) Acknowledge you’re adding to the problem: It’s alright to view marriage as a system with certain homeostasis or balance occurring between the two partners. The two parts impact and interrelate with each other. When one the partners behave in a certain way there’s a reaction by the other mate and vice versa. It’s a rare when only one person is entirely responsible for all of the problems. There are cycles occurring constantly. It is said that it takes two to tango.

3) Be Willing to accept behavioral change: A willingness to adjust in your reaction to each act with each other for the sake of the marriage will take you far in the counseling process. By taking this position you only say that the other is worth it and so is your marriage. You also say that you will meet the other halfway.

4) Put a check on your expectations: Be careful to know what to expect from your therapist. Do not sit in front of the therapist with eyes asking him to fix your relationship. His role as a marriage counselor is only to guide, explore, increase awareness and educate about aspects of healthy relationships.

5) Be Patient: The period of marriage counseling is dependent on a number of factors including amount of resentment built up, length of time being unhappy and willingness to do things differently. It’s comes with an investment of time, effort and money which can be frustrating and stressful at times. Try to stay focused on the goal, which should primarily be to get you and your partner on track again with a solid relationship foundation as this is a life long investment.

We suggest that one should go for a pre-marriage counseling before the D-day to

1) Strengthen communication: It is important in a relationship to effectively listen, hear and validate the other’s position. Couples who communicate can discuss and resolve issues when they arise more effectively.

2) Discuss your role in the relationship: Married couples discuss who will be doing what in the post marriage days like handling of job, finances, chores, sexual intimacy. Having an open and honest discussion about each of your expectations leads to fewer surprises and upsets down the line.

3) Learn to resolve conflicts: The rising of conflicts is from disagreements about who will take out the trash to emotionally charged arguments about serious issues. There are effective ways to effectively de-escalate conflicts

4) Explore spiritual beliefs: Differing spiritual beliefs are no issues only if its been discussed and there is an understanding of how they will function in the marriage with regards to practice, beliefs and children.

5) Identify any problematic family of origin issues: If one of the partners experience a high conflict or unloving household, it can be helpful to explore its reaction within the marriage. Couples with an understanding of the existence of any problematic condition around relationships are usually better at disrupting repetition of these learned behaviors.

Dr. Lee - About Author:
Dr. Lee holds a Doctorate of Philosophy in Christian Counseling from New burgh Theological Seminary.She attained both her Bachelor's and Master's degrees in Social Work from the University of Akron.

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